How to Stay Motivated to Lose Weight When Motivation Always Runs Out
The short answer: To stay motivated to lose weight, I stopped chasing motivation and changed who I was instead. Motivation fades, but an identity doesn't. Once I decided "I am a healthy person" and asked, "Would a healthy person eat this?" before each choice, every small win made me a little happier, and that feeling kept me going.
Why does my motivation to lose weight always run out?
Mine ran out every few days, like clockwork.
At 24, I weighed 258 pounds. I felt hopeless, like I took up too much space. So I'd get fired up and start a diet. No bread, no pasta, no pop, no sweets.
For a few days, I was motivated. Then the motivation was gone, my willpower hit its limit, and I binged on everything. I felt frustrated and terrible. A while later I'd get fired up again and start another diet. Several diets, same ending every time.
I used to think I just needed more motivation. A better reason. A bigger goal. A stricter plan.
What I needed was something that didn't depend on motivation at all.
Is motivation the wrong thing to chase?
I think it is, at least the way I was chasing it.
Motivation is a feeling, and feelings come and go. If your whole plan depends on feeling motivated, your plan works on good days and falls apart on hard ones.
Here's the bigger problem. I was an unhealthy person taking healthy actions. Every healthy choice was a fight against who I thought I was. Motivation was the fuel for that fight, and I kept running out of fuel.
Healthy people don't seem to need much motivation to skip the pop or eat the salad. Not because they're tougher than me, but because it isn't a fight for them. It's just who they are.
So the real question wasn't "How do I stay motivated?" It was "How do I become someone who doesn't need to be?"
How do you change your mindset to lose weight?
For me, it came down to one decision.
In the summer of 1998, I stopped dieting for good and decided to become a healthy person. Before every choice, I asked one question: "Would a healthy person eat this? Would they do that?"
I wasn't a single pound lighter that day. But deciding who I was felt uplifting and freeing. I didn't have to work up the energy to "be good." I just had to answer the question honestly.
Something else happened that I didn't expect. Once I set that identity, I started noticing things. It's like getting new glasses. I didn't know much about being healthy, so I watched people who looked healthy. The world became my teacher.
What keeps you going on the hard days?
Here's the part I wish someone had told me at 24.
Happier is a better engine than motivation.
"Happy" is a finish line nobody reaches. "I'll be happy when I lose the weight" kept me miserable the whole way. Happier is something you can feel today.
The moment I decided I was a healthy person, I got a little happier. Every time I acted like one, I got a little happier again, because it was working. That kept the identity on my mind, which made the next healthy choice easier, which made me happier still.
I call that the flywheel. It's slow to start. But once it's spinning, it feeds itself. What to do becomes obvious, and doing it starts to feel natural.
Motivation asks you to push. The flywheel just asks you to keep giving it small pushes, one choice at a time.
Why does one change at a time work better than a big plan?
Big plans need big motivation. One small change needs very little.
I didn't change everything at once. I noticed fit people don't usually drink pop, so I stopped drinking pop. Then milk. Then the French fries at lunch. I noticed healthy people chose salad over pasta, so I started eating salads. I noticed slim people ate fruit for dessert, so I ate more fruit.
Each one was small enough that I didn't have to psych myself up for it. And each one was a little win that fed the flywheel.
Those were the same changes my failed diets asked for. The difference was that they came from who I was, not from a rule I was trying to obey. So I didn't need willpower to hold them in place.
A simple daily routine to keep the identity in front of you
You don't need a vision board or a pep talk. Here's what I'd suggest, based on what I do and what's in my free challenge:
- Write it down once: "I am a healthy person." Sign it, date it, say it out loud, and put it where you'll see it every day.
- Ask the morning question. Each morning I still ask myself one question: Who do I need to be today?
- Ask the choice question. Before you eat, order, or shop: What would a healthy person do right now?
- Borrow one thing. Watch one healthy-looking person, like a coworker or a friend. What do they order? What do they skip? Borrow one thing.
- Ask the evening question. Did I act like a healthy person today? It takes ten seconds.
None of these need you to feel motivated. They just keep the identity on your mind, and that's what keeps the flywheel turning. (My free 5-day challenge sends you these one at a time, one short email a morning. Start here →)
What if I lose motivation anyway?
You will have days when you don't feel like it.
On those days, I don't need to feel motivated. I only need to make the next choice the way a healthy person would. If I slip, one meal doesn't change who I am. I ask the question again at the next choice.
What happened for me
Over the years after that summer of 1998, I went from 258 pounds to 184, where I am today. I still take the daily walk I started back then.
It took years, not weeks. That's my story, not a promise. Everyone's body and results are different.
But the best part wasn't the number on the scale. It was feeling happier, which is what I had wanted all along.
FAQ
How do I stay motivated to lose weight?
I stopped relying on motivation and decided I was a healthy person instead. Then I asked, "Would a healthy person eat this?" before each choice. Small wins made me a little happier, and that kept me going.
Why do I lose motivation after a few days?
That happened to me with every diet. Motivation is a feeling, and it fades. When I was an unhealthy person taking healthy actions, every choice was a fight, and I ran out of fuel.
What is the right mindset for weight loss?
For me, it was identity first: "I am a healthy person," not "I'm trying to lose weight." Then I made the choices that person would make, one at a time.
Can I lose weight without willpower?
I can't promise anything about your results. For me, once the changes matched who I was, I stopped needing willpower to hold them in place.
What should I do on days I don't feel motivated?
Skip the pep talk. Just ask, "What would a healthy person do right now?" and make the next choice. At night, ask, "Did I act like a healthy person today?"
I'm not a doctor; this is what worked for me. Talk to your doctor before changing your diet or activity, especially if you have a health condition.
Start the flywheel: free 5-day challenge
If motivation keeps running out on you, try the free 5-day challenge. One short email a day from me. You'll make your "I am a healthy person" commitment, start noticing what healthy people do, and practice the evening check-in that keeps the flywheel turning.
Every day ends with one question: Did I act like a healthy person today?